Gershom Faulkner announces his candidacy for the St. Petersburg City Council seat to be vacated by term limited Council Member Rene Flowers. Ed Helm moves into Flowers' district and announces his candidacy as well. Jamie Bennet decries the move saying "Helm promised to run against me."
The Florida Gators thrash Ohio State University 65-3 in what Brent Musberger describes as the most exciting BCS Championship Game ever. Florida coach Urban Meyer says he will be relieved when the Gators finally learn to execute his spread offense.
St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Baker is arrested for assaulting Council Member Leslie Curran for telling Baker "That might not be a good idea." St. Petersburg City Council Chair John Bryan ascends to Mayor after Governor Charlie Crist suspends Baker. Crist reinstates Baker one hour later after receiving a complaint from Bakers' mother. Before Bryan leaves the Mayors' office he issues an executive order banning the hiring of consultants by the City.
At her first regular meeting of the Pinellas County Democratic Executive Committee, Chair Toni Molinaro announces the appointment of Bill Bucolo as chair of the newly created Kumbaya Committee. Jack Smack immediately stalks out of the meeting followed by, well, nobody.
The St. Petersburg Grand Prix is won by Danica Patrick, who announces from the winners circle that she is moving to St. Petersburg. All 5 people in attendance cheer wildly.
Ronda Storms complains that the state insurance crisis is all the fault of gay insurance agents. Governor Charlie Crist appoints a rainbow ribbon committee headed by Katherine Harris to investigate the allegations. This comes on heels of the the special legislative session where legislators aproved a 350% rate increase for insurance companies as the best possible solution to the crisis.
St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Baker is arrested again. This time it is for distrubing the peace. Seems Baker was playing his guitar again at the Saturday Morning Market. The crowd cheers when Baker smacks his head while being put in the back seat of the new hybrid police cruiser. Charlie Crist announces he would suspend Baker, but Bakers' mother would only complain and he'd have to reverse himself.
The Florida Legislature adjourns its 2007 session after three days. On the first day, the legislature passed a bill banning property taxes in the state of Florida. On the second day, the legislature passes a resolution proclaiming the 350% rate increase passed in the special session has, in fact, solved the insurance crisis. And on the third day, the legislature passed a budget outsourcing the entire state government to the new company formed by Jeb Bush, Haliburton Florida.
St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Baker is convicted of disturbing the peace. He is sentenced to 300 hours of community service telling Charlie Crist what not to do.
The Hillsborough Expressway Authority announces it is moving to St. Petersburg where it plans to convert the Pinellas Trail to a barge canal. Tampa Mayor Pam Iorio immediately announces plans to expand the trolley system from Channelside and Ybor City to Brandon, citing the increased need after the elevated section of the Selmon Expressway collapses crushing both cars under it at the time.
Bill Young announces he is dead and he is not running for re-election in 2008. George Critikos immediately endorses Karen Seel as the Republican candidate in the special election to succeed Young. Seel says, "I'll probably only serve 45 years, since I'm kind old already."
Developer Grady Pridgen announces he is buying Progress Energy Florida in a leveraged buyout. All of Prgress Energy Florida's generation capacity will be turned into wholesale production. Retail production will be generated from the new green urban village that Pridgen has planned for the Pinellas County Solid Waste Disposal site.
Rod Smith wins the Academy Award for the worst political ad ever. Smith confesses his main disappointment is coming in second to Donald Trump in the worst hair category.
Jeb Bush announces that Haliburton Florida is taking the state of Florida private in a private equity deal underwritten by the Carlyle Group. Bush 41 breaks down in tears at his favorite son's accomplishments.
Hillary Clinton announces she is not attending the Florida Democratic Party's annual Jefferson Jackson gala. Her spokeswoman says Hillary has already taken the last remaining Democratic dollar in Florida. New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson's keynote speech is delivered to all three Florida Democrats attending the event. The other 7 million Florida Democrats are all accross the street listening to Steven Colbert's announcement that he is running for President. Rush Limbaugh donates $2 billion to the Colbert for President PAC.
Ed Helm fails to receive a single vote in the St. Petersburg City Council primary elections. Extensive reviews of the voting machines and the computer source code prove conclusively that Helm forgot to vote and the his wife voted for Gershom Faulkner.
The Republican Party of Florida unanimously proclaims Jeb Bush as their favorite for the 2008 nomination. Katherine Harris files an immediate protest, clainming the election was rigged.
Surprise candidate Peter Wallace wins election to the St. Petersburg City Council seat vacated by the term limited Bill Foster. The St. Petersburg Gay Straight Alliance announces the appointment of Foster as special counsel.
Barack Obama wins the Florida Democratic Party Conventions' straw poll after announcing he will name Bob Graham as his running mate when he wins the nomination. Graham is not in attendance because he is in Gainesville watching the Florida Gators demolish the FSU Seminoles 96-3. Florida Coach Urban Meyer rubs his crew cut and says his team has a chance to be pretty good if they ever learn to execute his spread offense.
Arrested again upon a sealed indictment, St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Baker announces from the Pinellas County jail that it is another great day in St. Petersburg. Reminded by a reporter that the jail is not in St. Petersburg, Baker responds, "That's the second part of my announcement. The City of St. Petersburg has just struck a deal to acquire Pinellas County in a private equity deal financed by Haliburton Florida.
If you can figure out which, if any, of these wishes I would make come true, I'll buy a damned tractor.
Florida Kossacks Rock